Tuesday, February 17, 2009

HE AIN'T NEVER GOING BACK ... TO WALKING

The standard "one foot in front of the other" method of walking no longer applies to at least one delighted commuter.
The man told reporters that he "willed himself to move across the ground" without moving his feet -- and found himself able to slide along "like a stop-motion animated character."
The as-yet unnamed method of locomotion proved to be at least as fast as travelling by car, as the commuter discovered when he was able to cross the Golden Gate Bridge at highway speed simply by sliding along the road on his soles.
The impetus for his discovery? "I had to get away from a bunch of people who were discussing the Steely Dan song 'My Old School' in great detail. I'm sorry, but that's just a pretentious song about white male privilege and I had to get out of there fast."

Saturday, February 14, 2009

RAIL TRAVEL NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE

An elderly commuter wrote an outraged letter to the New York Times complaining about current trends in rail travel.
The letter-writer claimed he was aboard a Long Island Railroad train recently and shared a compartment with a younger woman. When he demanded that she take her clothes off, the woman refused.
"This would never have happened on the LIRR I used to know," the cranky commuter wrote.